Boxers: Zoology
by Aloria
Summary: Because it's such a cool word. 5 second Zelgadis fic where he finds that labels may promise the world, but they can't deliver! [Sort of ties in with 'A Cure for Zelgadis']


Random Insanity Warning! If you get hurt while reading this fic, it's not my fault! Also, I don't own Slayers.

* * *

At last!

It had been seven years since first being changed into a Chimera, two years since he'd tried that so-called Cure Dr. Gasp had given him- which hadn't lasted for more than a day and had the unfortunate side-effect of turning him into a woman, but finally, Zelgadis had it. His cure.

Or he hoped he did. After that stint as a woman, Zelgadis hadn't quite felt the same in his body, or around Xelloss for that matter. But that was the past, and Zel was determined to be a MALE human, Shabranigdu Damnnit!

Taking a breath, he looked around the clearing he stood in. He'd wanted complete privacy to revel in his humanness for a few hours before heading back into town to get his supplies and go visit Amelia. The trees were just as silent as before, birds chirping their love songs into the still air. It was a hot June day, and even he was beginning to feel a little fried.

Another breath, and Zelgadis lifted his hands to remove his cloak, then shucked his shirt on second thought. He was alone, after all. Dropping both to the ground, he dropped his sword and belt atop his clothes and took a seat, reaching into his pocket for the bottle of white liquid that had a rather slimy consistency and smelled a little like hair gel.

He unstopped it and tipped the bottle slightly. "Let's see... the instructions said to apply liberally over affected areas, should take affect in thirty minutes after application. Oh heck." Plugging the bottle again, he pulled the rest of his clothes off and sat once more.

Starting with his feet, he poured some of the liquid on and began rubbing it into his rocky flesh. Hmm, it seemed to be making his flesh soft and supple already! Or maybe just greasy, but either way, it was promised to work. Grinning, he worked his way up his body, using the entire bottle.

Once he was finished, Zelgadis set the bottle aside, tipping his head slightly as he gazed at the blank side of the blue glass, "I thought there was a label on that," he commented, then shrugged. It hardly mattered. He had a cure!

Wiggling his toes, Zelgadis gazed at them, bursting into a grin, "Just thirty minutes to human," he lounged back in the grass, folding his arms behind his head, squinting up at the sun. After a while, he closed his eyes, a smile still on his lips.

* * *

The sun was close to setting when he woke, and Zelgadis opened his eyes, feeling rather hot and more than a little itchy. Sitting up, he looked around. He was in the clearing still, the sky bright and clear as it had been when he'd fallen asleep, the sun just starting to turn orange and light glowing through the trees.

Oh! His cure!

Quickly, he looked down at himself.

The shriek echoed for miles.

Frantically, Zelgadis pulled at the seven inch long blue fur he had sprouted. It was soft and silky, but the flesh beneath was still stone. Shrieking again, this time in fury, Zel twisted around to grab up the bottle, reading the instructions again, "Apply solution to affected areas liberally for a cure to all your problems!" Scowling, the threw the bottle aside and shuffled in his pants pocket, fur-covered fingers barely fitting in, and finally found the label that had come off.

"Super Hair Tonic..." he read out loud, hardly believing his stupidity. "Guaranteed to give luxuriant silky hair to the baldest of scalps. Do not use on pets or children."

Screaming again, Zelgadis got up and grabbed his pants.

* * *

He sat in the dining room of the tavern, scowling at his coffee as he sat in the back corner. He'd only barely managed to get his pants and shirt on, but his bright blue fur stuck out through the coarse fabric and puffed from his sleeves, cuffs of his pants, and out from beneath his shirt. Zelgadis had not been able to get his shoes on.

Sighing, he dropped some coins on the table and gave up on trying to drink his coffee, as he was tired of people staring at him. Zel had read the fine print on the bottle and found that the tonic would only last a month before needing reapplication. Well, he wasn't repeating _this_ mistake, that was for sure.

Getting to his feet, Zelgadis swept towards the door of the tavern, scowling at anyone who looked at him from beneath his fluffy blue main. He should have been watching where he was going instead.

The little four year old girl with dark hair looked up at him, her brown eyes going wide a moment before she giggled cheerfully, "KITTY!" she announced to the tavern.


End file.
